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28 February 2011 @ 02:07 am
FIC: Untitled  
UNTITLED
as_they_wait


Ryan/Spencer, R ~1000 words
Sometimes, Ryan locks himself in the bathroom for indefinite amounts of time. It's Spencer's job to make sure things don't go too far.

I do not own these people, and this has never actually happened. Don't sue me for having an imagination.

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“Ryan, are you okay?” Spencer calls down the hallway to the bathroom. Ryan’s been in there for a while, and he seemed kind of upset earlier. Spencer knows that sometimes Ryan freaks out about things, and he knows that it doesn’t always end well. He’s known Ryan since he was five; he’s witnessed every emotional breakdown that Ryan’s ever had.

It’s a little while before Ryan responds, and Spencer’s about to go check on him when he finally does. “Yeah, I’m fine,” he says, his voice sounding a bit off. Spencer is tempted to go check on him anyway, but he’s afraid of what he’ll see. He’s always afraid of what Ryan does to himself, and he especially hates looking at the damage.

“How did your date go?” he asks, trying to figure out what exactly might be wrong.

Again, it’s a long time before he replies. “It was fine.” Ryan sounds stiff and guarded, and Spencer knows that he came to the right conclusion. If the date had gone well, Ryan would be gushing about it by now.

Spencer decides to go check on his best friend anyway. He finds the bathroom door locked tightly, and he knows that Ryan’s going to be troublesome about this. Luckily, since Spencer’s parents discovered Ryan’s scars, they gave Spencer the key. “Ryan, will you let me in?”

He can hear Ryan huff out a heavy sigh and say a bit angrily, “It’s not like you won’t just open the door anyway.” He pauses for a few moments. “I only bother to lock it so that your sisters won’t walk in here and see.” His voice is quieter now, more resigned.

Spencer’s startled to hear that, because he always thought that Ryan hated when he walked in on him. “Thank you,” he says quietly. He can’t imagine one of his sister’s just opening the bathroom door to find Ryan sleeping in the bathtub naked with angry red marks covering his pale skin. “Will you open the door?” he asks hopefully. The click of the lock speaks for itself.

Ryan has a towel curled around him, and Spencer’s glad that it’s already black. He closes and locks the door behind him before sitting down next to his best friend. “Are you okay?” Spencer asks softly. “How deep did you go?”

“Not too far,” Ryan says impassively, pulling away the towel to show Spencer his new cuts. For once, Ryan isn’t trying to make it seem like it’s not as bad as it is. His cuts aren’t really so bad this time, even though there is quite a bit of blood. “Just enough to make it hurt, you know?” Ryan says, closing his eyes. Spencer doesn’t know, but he nods anyway. He takes Ryan’s hand in his own, and the two of them just sit there together for a few minutes. Spencer knows he just has to wait, and when Ryan’s ready, he’ll tell him everything.

Spencer’s nearly ready to give up by the time Ryan actually starts talking. “I was only talking to him for a few minutes before he asked me if I was into bondage and shit,” he says, sounding distressed. Spencer just nods along, pretending to know what Ryan’s talking about. “I mean, what the fuck, Spence? Who asks a guy if they want to get tied up on the first date? That’s just… I’m fifteen, for fuck’s sake! What kind of creep asks a fifteen year old about that?” A few tears slide down his face, and Spencer wipes them away.

It seems that Ryan is done venting, so Spencer pets his hair for a few moments to calm him down before he starts with his questions. “How old was he?”

“Nineteen.”

Spencer frowns and bites back a remark about how Ryan shouldn’t be dating anyone that old. “How did you meet him?”

“He’s one of my mom’s ex’s. They only lasted for a couple of days, but I mean, I figured that they didn’t work out because he was so young or something,” Ryan says, and Spencer fights the urge to gag at the thought of Ryan taking his mom’s sloppy seconds. Spencer didn’t even think Ryan still talked to his mom enough to know who she was dating, let alone meet them. “I wish I never talked to him. I mean, now I know she was into that.” Ryan shivers. Spencer kind of wants to throw up even more.

Ryan curls into Spencer and sighs. “Why can’t I find a guy who actually gives a fuck about me, Spencer? Why do they always want something else?” He lets out a tiny sob, and Spencer bites his lip. He hates seeing Ryan so torn up, especially over some stupid guy. “Why can’t I find someone who likes me for me?”

Spencer rubs his back, trying to calm him down. “Hey, I like you,” he says softly.

“That’s different,” Ryan says firmly. Still, he lets his hand run down Spencer’s chest, and he can tell that it’s different this time. Spencer’s heart is in his throat, but he won’t say anything. He wants to keep Ryan safe, and if this is the way to stop him from hurting himself, Spencer is willing to do it. “I love you, Spence, you know?” he says, drawing an invisible circle around one of Spencer’s nipples with his thumb. Ryan hesitates another moment before he sits up a bit so that he can reach Spencer’s lips.

It isn’t the first time they’ve kissed, and Spencer’s sure it won’t be the last. He’s gotten used to Ryan’s kisses by now, and they don’t bother him as much as they used to. “I love you,” Ryan breathes, slipping his hand into Spencer’s pajama pants. Spencer’s only reply is a low groan. “You won’t abandon me, will you?” he asks fearfully.

Spencer shakes his head and looks Ryan in his eyes. “Never,” he says firmly. Ryan smiles and kisses him again. Spencer’s frozen for a few moments before he finally kisses back, and he keeps his eyes open the entire time. He doesn’t love Ryan, not in that way, but he’ll go through the motions to satisfy him. He’s willing to do anything to keep Ryan from cutting too deep, even if he has to lie about his emotions. He only hopes that one day, maybe he won’t have to.

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Note: I wrote this in just a couple of hours tonight. I couldn't think of a name for it before I went to bed, but I really liked it so I figured I'd share it.
 
 
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